BLOG POST-45 Love in the Age of Options

 

                           𝗟𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗔𝗴𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗢𝗽𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀

             𝘞𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘪𝘤𝘦𝘴 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯’𝘵 𝘯𝘦𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘭𝘺 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘦𝘳

                             

 

There was a time when finding a partner meant knowing a relatively small circle of people.

You met someone through family, friends, work, college, neighbours or the community you lived in. You talked. You met again. Slowly, you got to know each other.

There were no dating apps. No carefully curated profiles. No endless photographs to scroll through. No algorithms suggesting who might be a good match.

There were fewer choices.

Today, there are almost too many.

We can meet people from different cities, backgrounds, professions and cultures. We have more freedom to decide whom we want to date, whom we want to marry and what kind of relationship we want.

That is a wonderful thing.

And yet, somewhere in this abundance of choice, love has acquired a new problem.

𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝗱𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗽 𝗹𝗼𝗼𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴?

 

 

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗡𝗲𝘅𝘁 𝗣𝗼𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗯𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆

When there are only a few choices, we make a choice and move forward.

When there are hundreds, we keep wondering whether we chose correctly.

Dating can sometimes feel like that.

You meet someone. You like them. But then there is another profile. Another introduction. Another possibility.

What if someone better is just around the corner?

And suddenly, the person in front of you is being compared with people you haven't even met.

That is an unfair comparison.

The person you are getting to know is real. They have flaws, awkward moments and ordinary days.

The person you haven't met yet can be anything you want them to be.

𝗜𝗺𝗮𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗿𝘆 𝗽𝗼𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗯𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗲𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗱𝗶𝗳𝗳𝗶𝗰𝘂𝗹𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹 𝗽𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗲𝘁𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵.

 

 

𝗖𝗮𝗻 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗗𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗱𝗲 𝗮 𝗟𝗶𝗳𝗲𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝗮 𝗙𝗲𝘄 𝗠𝗲𝗲𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀?

This is where I think modern relationships face one of their biggest challenges.

We often expect to make a decision about a lifetime after a handful of meetings.

But what can you really know about someone in three or four meetings?

You may know what they do.

What they like.

What they look like.

Perhaps you know their ambitions, their interests and their family background.

But do you know how they behave when they are angry?

When they are disappointed?

When life isn't going their way?

How do they handle disagreements?

How do they treat people who cannot do anything for them?

Are their words consistent with their actions?

These things reveal themselves gradually.

𝗔 𝗳𝗲𝘄 𝗺𝗲𝗲𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝘁𝗲𝗹𝗹 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿. 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗰𝗮𝗻𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗻𝗲𝗰𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗹𝘆 𝘁𝗲𝗹𝗹 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺.

 

𝗞𝗻𝗼𝘄𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘀 𝗕𝗲𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗖𝗲𝗿𝘁𝗮𝗶𝗻𝘁𝘆

Perhaps we have become too focused on immediate certainty.

We want instant chemistry.

Instant connection.

Instant answers.

But not every meaningful relationship begins with fireworks.

Sometimes the first conversation is simply pleasant.

Sometimes the first meeting is awkward.

Sometimes attraction grows slowly as admiration, comfort and trust grow with it.

You don't always know whether someone is right for you when you meet them.

𝗦𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲𝘀, 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗰𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗶𝘁 𝗯𝘆 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺.

As you spend more time with someone, the first impression begins to make room for something deeper.

You discover their humour, their vulnerabilities, their kindness, their irritating habits and the parts of them that weren't visible on the first few dates.

The person becomes more than a profile.

They become a person you know.

And sometimes, that is where something meaningful begins.

 

                                                             

 

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗗𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿 𝗼𝗳 𝗧𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗣𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝗖𝗵𝗲𝗰𝗸𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁𝘀

With so many choices available, it is easy to approach relationships like a selection process.

Does this person tick all my boxes?

Right education?

Right profession?

Right appearance?

Right interests?

Right lifestyle?

But people aren't products assembled according to specifications.

Of course, values and compatibility matter. We should know what is important to us and never compromise on things that truly matter.

But there is a difference between knowing your essentials and expecting perfection.

Because every person will come with something you didn't order.

A habit you don't understand.

A difference in personality.

A way of thinking that challenges yours.

The question is not whether someone is perfect.

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗶𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗼𝗻𝗲𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗮𝗰𝗰𝗲𝗽𝘁, 𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗴𝗿𝗼𝘄 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵.

 

 

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗙𝗿𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗼𝗺 𝘁𝗼 𝗖𝗵𝗼𝗼𝘀𝗲—𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗖𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗦𝘁𝗮𝘆

Modern relationships have given us something previous generations did not always have: 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗿𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗼𝗺 𝘁𝗼 𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗼𝘀𝗲.

We can make our own decisions. We can meet people beyond our immediate circles. We can leave relationships that are unhealthy.

That freedom matters.

But choice also brings responsibility.

Because commitment means accepting that there will always be other people in the world.

Someone may be more attractive.

Someone may be funnier.

Someone may have a more exciting life.

There will always be another possibility.

𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗺𝗶𝘁𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗲𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗹𝗱. 𝗜𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗱𝗲𝗰𝗶𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗰𝗵𝗼𝘀𝗲𝗻 𝗶𝘀 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗵 𝗯𝘂𝗶𝗹𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵.

That doesn't mean settling.

It means understanding that every relationship involves choosing what matters most—and then giving that choice the chance to grow.

 

 

𝗣𝗲𝗿𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘀 𝗟𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗡𝗲𝗲𝗱𝘀 𝗙𝗲𝘄𝗲𝗿 𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗶𝘀𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗠𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗧𝗶𝗺𝗲

We have become very good at finding people.

A few swipes can introduce us to someone we would never otherwise have met.

But finding someone and knowing someone are very different things.

A match takes seconds.

Trust takes time.

Understanding takes longer.

Love takes longer still.

Perhaps the answer isn't to go back to a time when choices were limited.

Perhaps it is to learn how to handle the choices we have today.

To know what truly matters to us.

To stop treating every new possibility as a reason to question an existing one.

To give a good person enough time to become someone important to us.

Because sometimes, we are so busy searching for the right person that we don't give ourselves the opportunity to discover whether the person in front of us could become the right person.

And perhaps that is the real paradox of 𝗟𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗼𝗽𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀

𝗪𝗲 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗽𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝗻 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗯𝗲𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗲.

𝗬𝗲𝘁 𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗺𝗮𝘆 𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗿𝗲𝗾𝘂𝗶𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗹𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀—𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲, 𝗽𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝘆 𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗴 𝗲𝗻𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗹𝘆 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺.

Because you cannot know everything about someone before choosing them.

𝗦𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲𝘀, 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺 𝗯𝗲𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗵𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝘄𝗲𝗹𝗹.

 

𝗜𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗴 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱𝗿𝗲𝗻 𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗲𝗲𝗻𝗮𝗴𝗲𝗿𝘀, 𝗱𝗼 𝘀𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺.

 

𝘋𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘪𝘤𝘦𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘴 𝘪𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘨𝘯𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘩 𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨?