BLOG POST-11 How To Help Others Without Losing Yourself (Click on Read More-Below right corner of post to view full blog post)

            How To Help Others Without Losing Yourself

You say yes to everyone else. But when was the last time you said yes to yourself? Learn the art of    giving without emptying out.

 

                                              

Last Tuesday, I sat in my cozy bed with a book I’d been meaning to read for months. I had finally carved out two precious hours just for myself. Then my phone buzzed. The message was from a friend who needed help redecorating her sitting room for an upcoming party. My finger hovered over “Yes”, and I felt a familiar knot of guilt tightening in my chest. I introspected. “Shouldn’t I be helping? But also –Do I not deserve this time?”

If you have ever felt this tension, you’re not alone.

At the heart of human experience lies a fundamental tension between two types of actions: those we perform in service of others and those we undertake purely for ourselves. This distinction isn't merely philosophical—it shapes how we allocate our time, energy, and emotional resources throughout our lives.

Much of what we do daily exists in the realm of obligation, care, or social reciprocity. We work to support our families, help friends through difficult times, volunteer in our communities, or simply show up when someone needs us.

These actions connect us to the broader humanity, creating networks of mutual support and shared responsibility. They give our lives meaning through connection and contribution. When my friend, Sarika, spent three months caring for her sick, aging mother, rearranging her entire schedule and putting her own plans on hold, she told me it was exhausting, but also, she couldn’t imagine doing anything else. That’s the paradox of service: It consumes us even if it fulfills us.

Yet there exists another category of action entirely—those things we do purely because they are food for our soul. They feed something essential within us.

 These might be creative activities /pursuits that no one else will see, solitary walks that clear our minds, music we play for the simple joy of it, or books we read that transport us to other worlds. These aren't selfish acts; they're necessary ones.  My lawyer friend paints during the weekend. Her art is never seen by anybody. They are not for sale but it is what allows her to relax and prepare herself for the next week. This keeps her sane and function smoothly throughout the week.

They are like fuel for our body. They replenish what daily life depletes.

The wisdom in recognizing this distinction lies not in privileging one over the other, but in honoring both.

A life spent entirely in service to others leads to burnout, regrets and resentment.  I have watched friends lose their inner light, so devoted to everyone’s needs that they forgot they had their own. 

 A life spent entirely in self-satisfaction leads to isolation and shallow fulfillment. The art of living well involves calibrating between these two poles—knowing when to give and when to retreat, when to serve and when to nourish your own soul.    

Perhaps the deepest satisfaction comes not from choosing one path over the other, but from allowing both to co-exist: building a life where acts of generosity toward others exist alongside sacred moments of self-renewal, where we can be both connected and complete.

In the end, I did help my friend redecorate. But I also rescheduled my reading time for the next morning, and I protected it fiercely. Both mattered. Both were right.

The question is not whether to receive, serve or retreat. The question is: Are you making space for both?

 

Three questions to ask yourself

1.    When was the last time I did something purely for myself, without any guilt?

If you can’t remember, or if the memory comes with a pinch of shame, it’s time to reclaim that space.

2.    Am I saying yes to others while saying no to myself?

Notice the pattern. If your calendar is full of everyone’s needs, but not your own, something needs to shift.

3.    What would I do if I had three hours this week just for me?

Whatever your answer is, that’s your compass. Find a way to do it, even if it's just for an hour. Your soul is asking for that time.

And in the end, that balance—that's what brings real happiness. That's what really matters.

 

                         Which of these three questions hit hardest for you? What did your answer reveal?